An Athlete's Dialectic: Finding the Middle Ground

Athletes and athletics lend themselves to black and white thinking: you either have it or you don’t; you are either mentally tough or mentally weak; you are a good person and your opponent is a bad person; referees and umpires are either good or terrible; coaches either have a product focus or a process focus. It might be the case that all of these dichotomies stem from the queen of them all: you either win or you lose. But such zero-sum mindsets, so embedded in our culture, aren’t effective for athletes and their support systems. They corrode longevity in sport, one of the biggest problems in youth sport. And so, as in many of my pieces in this blog, I am turning to DBT ¹ to find an answer to this entrenched problem, that of finding a middle path between two extremes, threading the needle between the black and the white, finding the grey. To provide an example of the power of this principle, I thought I would lay out some of an athlete’s main dialectical dilemmas:

Process v. Product: Every athlete will tell you that a major shift in their outlook, performance, and enjoyment of their sport was this shift toward process and away from winning as the primary motivation. While, it’s important to have goals, even big ones (“I want to make the varsity.” “I want to play #1 for my team.” “I want to win the Nationals”), and winning is also very important and fun, it’s more important to set intermediate goals tracing from where things currently are and getting invested in the process of moving step by step toward those bigger goals. Have a process for everything (practice, preparation, competition). Even a process for processing the product in after-action reviews. Everyone in the athlete’s system needs to be practicing process, and those who aren’t—particularly parents—will bias the process toward product.

Talent v. Grit:This dialectic is such a common one that people don’t even notice it when it’s in play. When athletes perceive a competitor as better, they think there’s something inherently better in that player than in them. Players often panic when they see the draw and look at their first-round match in dread. And obviously, athletes competing at a high level are invested with a great amount of natural ability, perhaps nature’s most unfair luck of the draw. But, it’s been shown that the people who believe their raw talent is all they need, less motivated to work less hard, expecting good results to fall into their laps. Prodigious talent paired with a grueling work ethic was the “magic” of Tiger Woods, who was both a flashy front-runner and a gritty journeyman. The proof here is that very few golfers were as good at scrambling, as good at making the cut when he was near the cut line. True confidence—the ace up the sleeve of any successful athlete—is the birthchild of hard work. The primary resource for these two dialectics is Carol Dweck’s work on growth versus fixed mindsets², which is essentially explicates this dialectic I’m naming. She outlines quite well how detrimental to performance, satisfaction, and longevity a “fixed mindset” is to athletic and academic success.

Drilling v. Freewheeling:Every athlete knows the need for hours of rote practice before skills take hold and before they can be brought to bear in competitive situations. But, drilling can be inert and cold. An athlete also needs to practice freewheeling, improvisation, and flair. Follow your gut, try shots and strategies that emphasis virtuosity over function, shots you’ve seen your favorite athlete execute. Be bold, be spontaneous. Be you. In offsetting rote practice, it will reconnect you to the joy of playing your sport, you will get out of your head and into your body, and it will feel euphoric when you bring it out in competition. Think of it as honing your intergalactic funksmanship. ³ And it will completely catch your opponent by surprise, give him/her an emotional concussion, a distraction that you can capitalize on for the next few points. But, again, it can’t be your bread and butter. If you notice, some players are really good at one side of this dialectic, but everyone needs both. It takes discipline to practice something that is new, and might even oppose your natural inclination. Become comfortable with the uncomfortable.

The take-away here is obvious. Every athlete faces these dialectical dilemmas and every athlete is oriented more towards one end of them than the other. But, athletes need to identify which side of the dialectic they skew towards, and exercise new muscles on the other side of the dialectic in the service of finding the middle ground. While it sounds middling, it is actually the key to success, the path toward greater freedom, and thus, toward a more full-throated passion for their sport. Surpassing these dialectics allows access to transcendence and joy, for which there is no middle ground.

1: Linehan, M. 1993. Cognitive-Behavior Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder.

2: Dweck, C. 2006. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.

3. Worrell, B., Clinton, G., Worrell, G., & W. Collins. 1972. “P-Funk (Wants to Get Funked Up),” Mothership Connection. Casablanca Records.

Bearing the Unbearable

During the height of the pandemic, Melissa and I joined OrangeTheory Fitness to shake off the doldrums that had congealed in our veins, bones, and minds: sluggishness, pessimism, and perhaps even a bit of hopelessness.  Our days of being actively involved in fitness related activities seemed well behind us.  The workouts at OrangeTheory are extremely demanding: one hour of highly intensive cross training with your heart often working up to 90% of its maximum capacity.  And while the coaches can be relentlessly encouraging, the work can feel impossible.  The good news is that the cure largely worked for us: improved energy, mood, and outlook.  I even found myself thinking about making a comeback to competitive squash.  BUT, I did notice that while I loved the intensity of the workouts, if I found the music discordant, jagged, and loud (e.g. shredder rock, emo rock, some hip-hop [language!]), where I couldn’t find the beat, I found the workouts particularly challenging, and the self-talk fell in sync with my experience of the music, which is to say, discordant, jagged, loud, and even angry.  I would often want to quit: “I can’t do this!” “This is the definition of torture.”  “I hate this.”  “I pay for this?”  Sometimes, I even noticed some indelicate language of my own.  Needless to say, my performance on those work outs often suffered, and improvements I had gained weren’t there.  So, I decided to try to make hay out of noticing all of this and turn it into the overall challenge of the experience.  Here are the skills I employed:

 

Change Mindset & Talk Back: One way I managed this situation when it arose was that I would notice the turn toward negative talk and turn it around, talk back to it.  “I don’t need to love this music, I just need to finish this workout.”  “The workout is the same no matter what the music.”  “Don’t let the music get you down.”  “Push through.”  I even resorted to quoting Rudyard Kipling (“Or being hated, don’t give way to hating.”¹).  Often, I treated the music like it was a squash rival and I intensified my effort.  Finally, instead of making a snarky comment to the coach on the way out about the music as a passive aggressive payback for their torture (“That playlist killed me!”), I would thank the coach for a great workout (“Great workout. Thanks!” [Fist bump]).  That coach had planned a workout, a playlist, and had showed up for me.  It was my problem that I didn’t like the music.  In practicing all of these skills, I was tapping into the power of willingness over willfulness,² and working on my non-judgmental stance.²

 

Improve Focus & Find an Anchor: Obviously, focusing on my negative reaction to the music was scattering my energy, wasting it.  This energy suck was evident in my results.  Instead, when I noticed it, I would use it as a challenge to double down on my focus.  I would think about the part of the body most challenged, inhabit it, truly feel the burn.  The treadmill, the hardest part of the workout, has mirrors facing them, and I would set my gaze on my eyes, so I was literally making myself a rival of myself, staring myself down.  These skills helped distract me from the music and sharpen my concentration, perhaps the most valuable thing an athlete can hone.

 

Cope Ahead² for Difficulty & Set a Goal: I discovered that a serious part of the problem was that I only prepared for liking the music and plugging into the slipstream of the beat.  When it all syncs up, flow states are easier to find, and therein lies transcendence.  Time disappeared.  But, then, when my dislike for the playlist started, my disappointment made the next 59 minutes feel unbearable.  Time crawled.  Instead, I decided to plan for bad music, to prepare myself for the challenge of my negative change in mood and cognition.  I set the goal to treat the music, love it or hate it, like “Triumph and Disaster, and treat those two imposters just the same.”¹ This shift was crucial and hastened my ability to engage the other skills mentioned, shortening the time that my mind hindered my performance.  This skill speaks to the vital importance being fully prepared for every contingency you might encounter, including bad play, a slow start, or challenging conditions.  Young athletes often forget this skill, perhaps because they prepare their minds by visualizing good outcomes.

 

Of course, all of these skills rest on the mindfulness involved in noticing and observing² the problematic pattern in the first place.  So, I congratulated myself for that.  But, I experienced a tinge of shame when I thought about needing to resort to the very skills that I teach on a regular basis.  It was a comeuppance to remember that I needed them as well.  But then, I reminded myself that, like my athletes and clients, I also have a human mind and I’m not exempt from its devilish traps.  Far from it.  With the proper training and skills, we can transform the mind from a torture chamber & impediment into a shelter from the storm, source of strength & the sharpest arrow in our quiver.

 

______________

 

1=Kipling, Rudyard.  1910. “If,” from Rewards and Fairies.  Doubleday, New York.

 

2=Linehan, Marsha.  2015.  DBT Skills Training, Worksheets and Handouts. Guilford, New York.

The Container is Everything: The sporting body is the body politic

A MEMORY FROM my days on my college squash team haunts me regularly, ca. 1987. On one of our long van rides to a match, which averaged about 6 hours, we were somewhere between Ithaca and somewhere else, when our coach, breaking the silence, said, “I think it’s totally ridiculous that the Olympics are boycotting South Africa teams from participation in the Olympics. Politics has no business in sport. Something like that only penalizes the athletes. What do you think, Matt?” I remember distinctly that as my silence lengthened and my face reddened and tingled, words would not come to my mouth. Normally a galvanizing, good-time-Charlie, Coach was known for his larger-than-life personality, and everybody, myself included, worshipped him. Though Coach often led conversations, he never called on someone, classroom style. Was he calling on me because he knew I participated with other students in the regular gatherings outside of the Olin Library, protesting Apartheid and advocating divestment of any university financial interest in South Africa, then in the grips of a racist, white supremacist regime reluctant to grant full civil rights to its majority Black citizens? Indeed, at that time, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) had been boycotting South Africa’s participation in the games since 1964 due to this system of segregation. Was he really espousing this position or was he calling on me because he thought I might disagree with him and thus, start a lively debate on the topic? Either way, I largely froze, and said something noncommittal, like, “I can see it from both sides.”

Some 35 years later, I found myself wanting to scream as my own history seemed to be repeating itself. During the Winter Olympics recently in Beijing, Thomas Bach, president of the International Olympic Committee, was frequently asked the uncomfortable question of China’s dismal human rights record, particularly the ethnic cleansing program underway against its minority Uighur population. His response has been his stock and trade any time this kind of uncomfortable question is put to him: “The Olympics are not about politics. They are about uniting the world around our common love of sport.” In making this statement, he was not only conveniently forgetting that the IOC used its considerable clout to protest Apartheid for more than 20 years, but also this was a particularly galling statement to make a day after China voiced solidarity with Russia in its standoff with the US and NATO at the Ukraine border. Which is to say, that, contrary to Mr. Bach’s wishes, China doesn’t see the Olympics as a chance to unite the world, but rather, emboldened by the show of power that hosting the Olympics represents, has put its significant heft behind one side of a brewing international standoff. Additionally, the games in Beijing came only two months after Chinese tennis star Peng Shuai “disappeared” after revealing that she had been sexually assaulted by a retired member of the Chinese Communist Party. In the face of these atrocities, countries, if they spoke up at all, issued a “diplomatic boycott” of the games. From what I can gather, this meant that there wouldn’t be any international treaties signed in China during the games, but that they would still send their teams and that the games will go on as scheduled. I imagine this is so that world leaders don’t punish the athletes, to use Coach’s logic, but say something in meek protest. I think these countries are saying their own version of, “we can see it from both sides.”

If I could go back in time to that moment in that van ride, I would say the following: “Coach, I think your argument is incorrect. Nothing happens in a vacuum, and from the smallest political unit of the family all the way to geopolitical superpowers, the container is everything. Indeed, politics is everything and infuses everything we do, from how we interact, to the conditions in which we go to the bathroom (Coach would appreciate a vulgarism here.).” I might add that, in fact, games with rules are nothing other than an expression of and metaphor for collective living. Thus, like anything else, playing sport is entirely dependent upon the context in which it takes place. And no athlete or sport is exempt. This fact is so obvious that those claiming otherwise must be participating in a willful and self-serving deception, further proving the point that Thomas Bach is a politician and not a sportsman, much less a humanitarian.

If Coach were to object to my line of argument, I’d ask him to think of athletes in systems that deny them power and exploit them for financial or political gain. I’d ask him to think of Peng Shuai, or of the athletes within the regime of the Russian Olympic Committee, or of the women in the National Women’s Soccer League, or of the athletes of the NCAA, alienated from the fruits of their labor reaped entirely by their institutions. I’d ask him to think of the 1936 Olympics in Berlin. I’d ask him to think of any athlete whose parent used their child in the service of their own needs for fame, riches, and vicarious success. I would have to say that from this vantage point, some 35 years later, I’d say to Coach that until and unless large governing sport bodies fully acknowledge the reality of their political power, and use it to speak back to power in the service of the further liberation of humanity, sport will never realize its potential of being the truly unifying force that Mr. Bach and those like him pretend to celebrate.

Winners & Winning V: Narelle Krizek & the Heart of a Coach

Narelle Krizek, currently the assistant director of US Squash’s Arlen Specter Center, made an interesting choice when talking to me about a significant match in her life.  Rather than speaking of her Junior World Championship or her Women’s World Doubles title, two supreme highlights for an athlete’s resume, she chose to discuss her 2013 Mixed Doubles World Championship which she won with fellow Australian Paul Price.  Narelle talked about the tremendous privilege of being the doubles partner of such a talented and confident player.  In fact, in relating the experience of the match and her dynamic with Paul Price, Narelle was also talking about the ideal relationship between coach and student, ideals which form her fundamental values as a coach.  Paul did this for Narelle in the following ways:

Creating Comfort.  Narelle reported that though Paul had a somewhat gruff reputation on tour, his demeanor with her was “gentle, positive, and reassuring.”  Because of these traits, which greatly emboldened her confidence, she was able to “relax and just play my game.  It was the most comfortable I ever felt.”  As she evolved into coaching, and into the parent of athletes, she too has taken on this task of creating comfort for her players and kids.  We know how important this is because, so often, parents and coaches create discomfort for their players by communicating in harsh tones, voicing disappointment, harping on opportunities missed, and inducing shame.

Fun.  Being comfortable creates the space whereby fun can be had.  Narelle stated, “even though I was dead exhausted from the other matches, I was able to just sit back and have fun in the final.  It was so much fun.”  Wouldn’t this be the ideal outcome?  To be able to be comfortable enough to play your best squash, and to savor the moment?  For sure, that’s winning.

Infusion.  One of the most powerful aspects of this match, and the element that cemented her style of coaching, was Paul Price’s ability to infuse her with several crucial building blocks of peak performance, components that allowed her best self to emerge.  They are:

            Trust: Narelle cited Paul’s trust in her as critical to her success.  While she had one of the better reverse corners in the draw, Paul’s trust in it bolstered hers, encouraging her to hit it often, and in doing so, he licensed her best self, gave it the green light.  He said things like, “we need your reverse.  You have the best reverse in the tournament.  Hit it often.  All will be well.”  Even when she hit it and it didn’t produce results, he encouraged her, saying, “it’s OK.  That was the right shot.  Keep it up.”  By removing doubt in her, she was able to play from that trusting place that always produces good results and fun.

            Confidence: An offshoot of trust is confidence.  Paul continued to enthuse Narelle with confidence, and, of course, he exuded confidence himself given his own place in the game.  It’s as if he gave some of his talent to her, supporting her, reminding her of her own strengths.  He modeled confidence.  This is what confidence looks like, and you can have some too, he was saying in his body language, in his words, in everything.

            Positivity and Calm: Paul breathed positivity and calm.  In doing so, Narelle breathed it in.  These attributes seem to stem from confidence and talent, but they are also stances, mindsets.  They communicate that, no matter what, all will be well.  Paradoxically, this stance has already accepted the possibility of defeat, and so all of the fear of losing is gone.  All that remains is the fun of the chase.

I was not surprised that she chose this match, given how much it contributed to her coaching career.  This is the place she coaches from.  She recognizes that when a player comes off court, her job is to create comfort, knowing that the conversation between player and coach can go one of two ways: 1) the coach’s disappointment and anxiety can come through, adding to the player’s strain, shame, and lack of confidence; or, 2) the coach can infuse the player with the trust, confidence, and calm to execute a game plan, to know and enjoy one’s strengths, and to have fun.  If you’re a coach, parent, boss or mentor, choose option 2 every time.

What Simone Biles Can Teach Rory McIlroy (or any athlete managing burnout)

If you’re a fan of Rory McIlroy’s, then you will have groaned along with him through his disappointing performances in the big events this year. Sure, he is going through some swing adjustments. Sure, he won the tour event at Quail Hollow this year. But, when the chips have been down in important moments, he has looked somewhat hang dog and stuck in second or third gear: A missed cut at the Masters, a T46 at the PGA, a T56 at the British, following a missed cut at the Scottish Open. My blood ran cold as I listened to his press conference prior to the US Open, because it screamed of an athlete looking to get mental monkeys off of his back, of an athlete fighting with apathy, and having the pressure of huge performance expectations on his back. In the press conference, he said things like:

“[I’ve been putting] Too much pressure on myself, playing too carefully, being too tentative, not playing free.”

“[I’ve been asking] How do you take the pressure off yourself? By being indifferent. Not by not caring, but by not putting pressure on myself that I have to care.

“The difference between 2011 [when I won my last US Open] and now: “I had less going on in my head. I was less cynical.”**

I know that many athletes recently have revealed mental health struggles (Bubba Watson, Naomi Osaka), and this is great for sport and hopefully reduces stigma and increases access to mental health services. But, here, in facing yet more questions about why he hasn’t won a major in seven years, Rory is revealing just the kind of pressure he is under, and just the kind of deleterious effects such pressure has. One look at his face, and you can see that the fire that used to burn so fiercely in him has dimmed considerably. Furthermore, in that press conference, he referred to some advice he gave a young, female, Irish golfer, by saying that if she were to endure the “boring, mundane, and tedious” practice sessions, she could have a successful career. He’s crossed to line from convincing himself he doesn’t have to care, to dreading the monotony of it. He has pressure on his shoulders because he has to redouble his efforts when he has no interest in doing the rote work necessary to compete at that level. It’s no fun for him anymore, but the stakes are very high, and his sponsors are paying him a lot of money to care. It is just the kind of pressure Simone Biles cited as compounding the noise in her head, and helped derail her Olympic bid this year.

But, consider Rory’s plight: He’s been at this for coming on 15 years. With the wrap around season, there is no down time. For golf superstars, their calendar is truly international, with globetrotting and all the ensuing punishments that entails for the body. Additionally, in the Tiger era, training for golf has become a relentless pursuit, with many hours in the gym, crafting a super-hero body. Ask Jack Nicklaus, Raymond Floyd, Lee Trevino, and Arnold Palmer how many hours they spent in the gym. Indeed, half of the guys on tour in those years smoked. Finally, Rory now has a young daughter, and his new role as a father complicates his time and pulls on his priorities in ways he couldn’t have imagined when he won his US Open at Congressional in 2011. At this point, watching Poppy toddle is probably a lot more fascinating than another “boring” range session, “tedious” gym workout, or “mundane” weekend travel to Dubai, no matter how large the appearance fee.

Here it is in Biles’ own words:

I say put mental health first. Because if you don't, then you're not going to enjoy your sport and you're not going to succeed as much as you want to. So, it's OK sometimes to even sit out the big competitions to focus on yourself, because it shows how strong of a competitor and person that you really are — rather than just battle through it. ***

Here she is laying out a formula by which less is more, and which says that sometimes you have to get off the same merry-go-round that brought you all of your success and fame in the first place. Indeed, use your place in your sport to give yourself a sabbatical. Several things need to be in place in order to support and encourage athletes in doing that:

• The mindfulness to recognize stress responses to pressure; that poor performance isn’t indicative of the need for more work, but for a break.
• A supportive family, community, and entourage that will endorse your decision.
• Governing bodies that are willing to reduce the number of events to keep its star athletes fresh, even if it means a loss in revenue.
• Governing bodies that are willing to factor in breaks and sabbaticals into rankings, tour cards, and qualifications for big events so that stepping away from the sport doesn’t carry the penalty of needing to re-qualify for everything. Let them come back where they left.

These changes would be almost unfathomable changes for most sport governing bodies, but doing so would be a sign that they truly care about their athletes and see them as people rather than as profit streams. But the change has to also come from within the athlete to listen to the inner voice, and to have an authentic conversation with that voice to, as Simone says, “put the mental first.” It’s on the athlete to rediscover the joy in the play, and the play in the work. Have fun again. Or stop.

**USOPEN.COM

*** “Read What Simone Biles Said After Her Withdrawal From The Olympic Final,” www.NPR.ORG, July 28, 2021.

Justin Thomas II: Opposite Action in Action

Maybe you saw that Justin Thomas just won The Players’ Championship, golf’s fifth major with harrowing closing holes that guarantee a pressure-filled and exciting finale. And this year was no different. Of note, Justin Thomas was able to win such a difficult tournament so recently after a number of setbacks, just the kinds of life events that can often derail a player for a long time: he had a very publicized public relations gaffe referred to in my last post, he lost his grandfather with whom he was very close, and his good friend and Presidents’ Cup teammate Tiger Woods was involved in a catastrophic and career-ending car accident which he was lucky to survive.

Asked how he managed to hold it together during these tribulations, he made the following response: “I talked to people. I reached out to people. I mean, I’m not embarrassed to say that I reached out to people to kind of let my feelings out and just discuss stuff with them….some of the thoughts and things I was feelings, it wasn’t fair to myself and I needed to do something. And my girlfriend was very helpful with that and staying on me to make sure I was taking care of myself…”* In this response, he leaves out the fact that he also made an immediate, non-defensive, and total apology for his social gaffe, reached out to the constituencies he offended, and went on a training program to understand the root of his implicit bias and to show the genuineness of his repair attempt.

I don’t know if he is referring to seeking out a therapist, but in reaching out to people he is, perhaps unwittingly, referring to an emotion regulation skill called “Opposite Action.”** All of the events he experienced (embarrassment, grief, loss) elicit emotions which have action urges that bring the sufferer inward, to hide, to withdraw, to isolate. Acting opposite the action urge is a quick and effective way to change the emotion, and in this case, it was to reach out to people who could validate him, support him, and mainly relieve the negative voice stream in his head. In doing so, he had his sadness normalized, his thoughts re-balanced, easing his sense of shame and self-blame. Also, he shortened time frame of his suffering, and won one of the larger prizes in golf, including pulling off some particular nerve-wracking shots on the 72^nd hole.

To review: Justin Thomas experienced three events that had strong negative emotional impact, all of which could have derailed his entire season, if not his career. The negative emotions have action urges of avoiding and shunning. Instead, he acted opposite those action urges, made apologies, took action, and reached out for solace. Aspects of his practice that were particularly effective are that he went to people who wouldn’t reject him or reinforce his negative thinking. Finally, he didn’t just pay it lip service, he went all the way and he kept on doing it. Opposite Action works best when you do it thoroughly and repeatedly. So, the next time you are experiencing some emotional turmoil that might interfere with your game and noticing the urge to withdraw, practice some opposite action, and you may just find yourself walking tall and playing your best game.

*Morfit, Cameron. 2021. “Monday Finish: Justin Thomas Finds Better ‘Headspace’ at THE PLAYERS.” Pgatour.com. 03.15.2021

**Although the behavioral practice of exposure is not hers, the skill “Opposite Action,” as I’m using it here comes from Marsha Linehan and can be found in her “DBT Skills Training, Handouts and Worksheets,” 2 ^nd Edition. 2015. Guilford Press. New York, pp. 231-240 & 280.

Justin Thomas, the PGA Tour & the Stain of Homophobia on Male Sport

If you are a golf fan, as I am, you will have by now heard of the episode involving Justin Thomas, currently ranked #3 in the world, at the Tournament of Champions in Hawaii. And as disappointing as it was, you may have even been encouraged by his heartfelt apology and commitment to do the necessary self-examination to “be a better person.” However, there are still elements of the event that continue to unsettle me and reveal just how much, on a systemic level, homophobia is just as alive as it ever has been in male sport. To support this claim, consider the following:

1) Though a financial penalty is probably imminent from the PGATOUR, it has not been announced yet, nor has there been a statement distancing themselves from homophobia in any form and stating that it has no place on their tour. I gather that they don’t generally make public statements about players' fines, but it’s strange that they don’t see their silence as a tacit approval.

2) While Ralph Lauren was quick to drop their endorsement deal with him, with the rapidity one would expect from a product line so directly affected. Citigroup announced in a blog * (2 weeks later) that they were staying with him after a large portion of this year’s sponsorship money of his was donated to an LGBT cause. They believe this move will help “create change.” Other sponsors, Titleist, Footjoy, Beats by Dre, NetJets, Woodford Reserve, and WHOOP have all remained silent.

Maybe you haven’t noticed this silence, but I guarantee you it has been noticed by anyone in the LGBTQ community, for whom silence has not only been equated with oppression, but actually with death, and which has been fighting for acceptance in a world which is all too happy to have it remain in the shadows of the closet. It has also been noticed by gay men, for whom that particular word is associated not just with hatred, but with violence.

Making these omissions and delays more surprising is that they come at a time when “corporate America’s appetite for dealing with such public missteps has never been lower.”** Contrast this to what happened to Tiger Woods: the shattered glass from the back window of his Escalade hadn’t even been swept up before all of his sponsors swiftly dropped him. Apparently, you become a toxic asset if you’re a philanderer, but you’re still on the payroll if you just happen to hurl around the odd homophobic epithet.

To understand the reticence of his corporate sponsors and tour, let’s look at the text of Thomas’ apology itself:

“I’m clearly not proud of what I said. It’s humiliating. It’s embarrassing. It’s not me. It’s not a word that I use, but for some reason, it was in there,” Thomas said. “ And that’s what I’m trying to figure out, as to why it was in there . It’s going to be a part of this process and training program or whatever I need to do, not only to prove to myself but prove to my sponsors and prove to these people that don’t know who I am that is indeed not the person I am.”

While he has been applauded for the sincerity of his apology, anyone who has been raised as a boy, with a male gender identity, and particularly in boys’ sport knows exactly why the “f” word is in there, and how it got there: it is still a part of male socialization that being gay is the worst thing imaginable. It is associated with everything bad in sport, being weak and losing. And that is exactly the way he used the word, apparently without even knowing that it had emerged from his mouth. It is not a comment on Justin Thomas that “it was in there,” but a comment that, despite the breathtaking advances that gay men have made (the right to marry, broad representation in TV, film, and advertising, a presidential candidate), being one is still seen as a liability to an athlete at the top levels of sport. Indeed, that word is so implicated into male socialization that it’s hard to imagine how it wouldn’t be “in there,” hard to imagine it not being in there.

So, the major disappointment here is not necessarily that, in a moment of disparaging his own play, such a word slipped out of Justin Thomas’ mouth, but rather that his tour and many of his sponsors, in their silence, have sent the message that they tacitly agree with its usage, and are not interested in doing the work they need to do to help eradicate homophobia from where it resides in them and in the culture of those they are hoping to court as customers. In avoiding that responsibility and that work, they commit an injustice to all boys, gay and straight, struggling to a healthy sexuality and balanced gender identity. And, in doing so, they continue to make participation in sport a fraught and dangerous one for any aspiring gay athlete.

One effect of the summer’s Black Lives Matter protests was that many white people woke up to the fact that police violence against Black people is not a matter of one or two “bad apples,” but a part of a system that views Black lives as both inherently threatening and worth less. Similarly, here, it is not the Justin Thomases in golf who need to apologize, though their apology is welcome when they misstep like this. Rather, it is the tour and corporate sponsors who, in not denouncing homophobia in all forms, support and sustain the culture of homophobia that has stained sport since the inception of games with rules. In order for that stain to be removed, they need to repudiate it in no uncertain terms in both word and deed. Until then, you can expect to continue hearing the “f” word until you, too, don’t notice it.

**Hasan, Carla, “When an Apology is not enough,” citigroup.com. 1.25.21.

*Rishe, Patrick, “Crisis Management: Justin Thomas and his Endorsement Portfolio after being dropped by Ralph Lauren.” Forbes.Com. 01.23.2021.